Posted April 7, Reviewed by Davia Sills. The notion that "love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage" is still widespread, but the arguments against it are gaining strength.
L ove is wonderful, love is joy, love is the greatest thing in the world… Love is also an enormous pain in the ass. Marriage is hard work. So how do you make love last? What myths about love are leading us astray and what do you have to do to have a loving relationship that stands the test of time? His newest work is A Book About Love.
Love is a choice and one that isn't always easy. What happens when you adamantly disagree with a decision they make or an investment that you think jeopardizes your financial security? Now, that requires some very skillful conversations—or fights begin to ensue. Rarely does a couple come in and talk about what they love about each other. Because they let things build up for far too long!
Is this mind shift easy when I feel like griping and lashing out? It takes practice.
To make a marriage stronger, a couple needs better communication skills and a willingness to resolve differences. When I ask how they would rate themselves in those areas, they admit somewhat sheepishly how dreadful they are in the same areas. We must match what we expect from our partner. This is some of the best marriage advice I give to my clients who come to me for support.
No matter how sweet a relationship is or how deep our love, there will be bumps and bruises. We each live in a private, complex, and very personalized universe.
Building better communication skills is like building muscles. We must consistently work at the skill to see improvement.
When we practice a new way long enough, it is integrated and becomes a natural part of our interactions. Are there other ways they show me that they care?
Turns out I was missing the many ways he did show me he cared: putting gas in my car, listening to me attentively, stroking my hair, supporting my goals, being happy to see me when I came home, to name just a few. But I was watchdogging the compliment aisle and totally missed the ways he showed that he cared. Conflict resolution quickly clears the static out of relationships and creates a foundation for healthy relationships.
Seek to understand rather than to change the person you love. Honor your differences and find the gifts their unique qualities have come to teach you. Then your relationship will blossom, and every conflict will become just one more opportunity for understanding and closeness. Take your first step towards a thriving, fulfilling relationship.
Jennifer A. She coaches individuals, parents, and couples to build healthy and loving families. Jennifer has been conducting premarital workshops and mentoring couples for nearly two decades. She teaches couples the critical skills needed to break out of unloving patterns, which naturally removes the obstacles to loving connection and authentic communication. With an emphasis on emotional intelligence and brain science, her proven process accelerates transformation.
She also conducts Heal Yourself, Heal I need love marriage and morr Marriage retreats because she believes that all healthy relationships begin within each person. Jennifer is happily married to her beloved husband and is the mother of three grown children.
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HOME drama-free marriage Create close, loving relationships that thrive and fulfill you both. How to Effectively Communicate by Resolving Conflict Here are some truths about love and relationship! Every minute, we can choose to respond critically or seek to understand. Every day, we can choose to nag our partner or encourage them. Every interaction is an opportunity to choose the higher road of love.
And when we make this daily loving a commitment, it becomes a habit that feeds the relationship and strengthens safety and trust.
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Here's my best marriage advice Keep your attention on the positive! To be successful in a relationship, we must build muscles to keep our attention in the right place. There might always be little things that bug us about our partner, like their messiness or spending or sarcasm.
We are human and imperfect. This is not a Pollyanna concept. The brain will find whatever you look for. Why not find the gold in the relationship instead of the rubbish?
Spotlighting the positive in our spouse can become a habit. When we consciously redirect from the negative to the positive, many more opportunities arise that bring fun, closeness, and understanding. And when you need to resolve a conflict, there will be plenty of goodwill in your emotional bank with them! Address issues lovingly and respectfully, in a timely way.
Sometimes it really is necessary to have a heart-to-heart talk. Many couples bury their conflicts or push aside unpleasant feelings toward their partner, until the negativity builds up and begins to eat away at the relationship. Conflicting emotions interfere with effective communication so get in touch with what is bothering you and then speak to your partner. Clear the air whenever necessary, and reaffirm love and understanding!
Every moment is a choice to love. Love doesn't just happen.
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