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Mere conjecture, but perhaps your BF's reluctance to let you top him could be as simple as your height, weight and penis size differences. Somewhat revealing is your comment he is very dominant and controlling.

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Contrarywise, he would probably look to individuals of smaller stature when he tops to fulfill his dominance needs. Getting topped by persons who don't meet this internal view wouldn't work.

You have some difficult decisions to make, and only you can make them. After some years in relationship, other issues can become more important than sex between two individuals.

These include shared experiences, world views, companionship, finances, etc. No one, except your BF, can answer some of your questions about "why"? It's now up to you to determine if you are better in this relationship, or out of it.

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This forum is best for informal feedback; perhaps your questions would better be directed to a d couples counselor. Best of luck.