Are you single and looking for love? Are you finding it hard to meet the right person?
Most seasoned singles know that dating culture can be broken up into hookup culture and actually-looking-to-date-long-term relationship culture. Most online dating sites are a mix of both, and after living with online dating as an increasingly ubiquitous option for the past 20 years, the general public mostly sees dating sites as a super normal means to find casual dates or a hookup. But what if you're looking for a serious relationship that lasts? What if you just don't want to be alone on Valentine's Day ever again? What if you're over casual dating and just want someone consistent to come home to? What if you have no idea where to start?
Living vicariously through the drama-filled days and nights of reality stars on shows like "Vanderpump Rules," "The Bachelor" and "Southern Charm" is a large part of the draw to tune in week after week. But if you take a closer look at the main male characters like Jax Taylor and Thomas Ravenel who drive these story lines, there's a specific behavior pattern that adds to the drama; one you may have experienced more subtly in your own relationships. Peter Pan Syndrome — when grown men avoid the personal and professional responsibilities of adulthood — isn't recognized as a psychological disorder, but it can explain a certain pattern of behavior.
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While these reality TV stars may be extreme examples: egotistical, rampant narcissists who struggle with the mere concept of commitment and avoid grown up responsibilities at all costs, Carla Marie Manlya clinical psychologist based in California, says it's a real, fairly common dilemma — one you can easily fall for if you're not careful.
These qualities have been kryptonite for many of reality TV's leading ladies. These love-to-hate-them reality stars all exhibit typical behavior patterns of someone who fits the "Peter Pan" mold. These behaviors include: difficulty expressing emotions, procrastination and unclear or poorly defined life goals, and "magical thinking" around mistakes or responsibilities, blaming others for their problems and trying to escape their reality to make their problems disappear, explains Nathan Brandona psychologist practicing in California.
Their behavior in relationships — both platonic and romantic Better Adult Dating i can be your magic women also may al that you have a Peter Pan on your hands. At the root of these behaviors is a desire to remain at the adolescent stage of development. In this way, we can think of Peter Pan Syndrome as a sort of arrested development at the adolescent stage of life. While Brandon caveats that he would never "diagnose" someone exhibiting these behaviors with Peter Pan Syndrome, he would utilize works such as J.
Peter Pan Syndrome: when grown men avoid the personal and professional responsibilities of adulthood.
Dating tips for finding the right person
Psychologist Dan Riley coined the term Peter Pan Syndrome in his attempt to explore and explain the behaviors of these men who refuse to grow up. And while Peter Pan Syndrome is commonly attributed to men, Connie Omari, a d professional counselor and owner of Tech Talk Therapyexplains that the way many of us have grown up may have opened doors for both genders to suffer from this particular syndrome which would explain why so many Peter Pans grace the small screen.
He came up with his list of traits in order to try to define these behaviors as a syndrome so it could be better recognized and treated," says Brandon.
I think this is unfortunate because it is stigmatizing and like all problematic behaviors, it arises as a means of coping with other difficult emotional wounds or problems. What wounds or problems are they coping with exactly?
Omari points out that many parents attempts to make their kids' lives better may have "left many of them feeling unprepared, and even, incapable of truly taking responsibility for their actions. Rick CapaldiPh. D, a family therapist practicing in Nevada, echoes this sentiment, explaining that the amount of freedom, responsibility and ability we're given during childhood has a direct impact on how we behave as adults. The long-term for them, as well as those individuals they connect with, can be devastating, establishing a lifetime of dissatisfaction for all involved.
Some Peter Pans may exhibit traits or features of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but they don't typically meet the full criteria for the disorder, says Brandon. Cathy Hayes, a year-old marketing and public relations director based in Florida, had been dating her boyfriend for about five months when she started to see a pattern emerge.
Smart, tons of fun and a nice guy. But completely clueless when it comes to relationships or how to date," she says. Being a novice in the chivalry category is one thing, but as time went on, Cathy found herself acting more like a parent than a girlfriend. The more I gave, the less he did. I would even have to drive him home the next day!
It was like adding a separate carpool to my to-do list. His communication with her was also sporadic; Hayes never knew where things stood or when she'd see him next. I felt like we were just friends who would make out on occasion.
The lack of communication, commitment avoidance and childlike behavior Hayes describes are all hallmarks of a so-called Peter Pan. But is there hope that he can change? As Jax Taylor recently proved by finally tying the knot with long-term love interest and "Vanderpump Rules" co-star Brittany Cartwright, someone with Peter Pan Syndrome can change — if and when he wants to.
While it can vary, Manly says negative occurrences can sometimes snap those suffering from this syndrome into action.
In the same way, if a Peter Pan loses a parent who was an idol or strong life force, that loss can trigger a life reassessment. Even losing a job as a result of not showing up or giving insufficient effort can — if the loss is serious enough — trigger change. To know for sure, Manly suggests talking to them about how you feel and where you stand, which can help you move on or move forward based on their reaction.
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As for Hayes' Peter Pan? If you choose to stay in it, you need to accept that this person is just not capable of anything more. I enjoy spending time and having fun with someone, but an adult relationship requires adult behavior.
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