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This letter doesn't even begin to scrape the surface of the depths to which I wish to communicate to you. It is a cruel thing to tell a person you love them, and then take it back weeks later. You said it twice in a row, pleading with me to love you back. The look on your face and the sound of your voice when you said still echoes in my heart. But, love is an action, not a word.
That is how I know you really meant it when you said it. I know because of the way you say my name and the way you kiss my lips. I know because of the look in your eyes when we part and the way you want to hold my hand when we are together. I know because of the way you let me talk and talk and talk, while you listen and listen and listen.
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What makes you run? What is real, and what is not? My heart is drenched in sorrow.
I feel as if you have already washed your hands clean of me, except for the promise of sex. Well,I rescind my commitment of sex, the same way you have rescinded your commitment of love.
I can't let you in only to watch you leave. I can't continue to live in a dream. You told me I should make the best of the time we have left. I was convinced, but it is already difficult enough for me to get you off my mind. Every moment we spend together I love you more and more. Every moment we spend together, I feel safer and safer with you. After years of brutality and hostility, I relished in the thought of a man that would beand ambitious. I wanted him to be you, I thought he was you. I was settled on being jaded before we met. I was settled on a life in solitude because I will never be able to trust anyone.
A night at your house and a hour car ride is all my weary soul can bear. This is my goodbye. Whatever you are looking for, I hope you find it. I wish that no matter the circumstance, happiness falls upon your door.
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