A white bird along a dark path.
"I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die", Muthart told Cosmopolitan, "if I didnt tear out my eyes immediately".
Woman who gouged her eyes out claims life is better without her sight. Before her battle with drugs, Muthart was in the National Honor Society. She dropped out and soon turned to alcohol and other substances.
By the time she was 18, she started smoking pot and drinking socially, and she suspected that perhaps she was more prone to addiction due to her family history. Later, I googled the symptoms that surprised me the most - numb lips and feeling like I was on top of the world. When she was 19, she smoked marijuana, which left her with a particularly odd high and as a religious Christian, made her feel as though she was closer to God. Kaylee Muthart, 20, of SC told Cosmopolitan magazine that it all started with drinking and smoking marijuana, which later led to harder drugs while she was in school.
Kaylee Muthart in an image from social media
At this point in her life, doctors diagnosed Muthart with bipolar disorder.
Muthart began studying the Bible and taking the Christian faith more seriously as she descended further and further into her drug addiction. And I was glad to do it because I've always had a big heart and nobody's ever giving me that love back, ' she said. I misinterpreted a lot of it.
Muthart said she eventually found a new job but could not shake off the thoughts of how the laced marijuana made her feel.
In August, she picked at blackheads on her face until it bled.
In August of 2017, Muthart chose to try meth, made a decision to quit, then went back to it.
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Her mother, Katy Tompkins, was alarmed by her rapidly deteriorating condition soon before the incident.
By February of 2018, her mother had taken a video of their conversation and scheduled Kaylee to finally be committed to a rehabilitation center. "She was too late". Tompkins and Muthart could not be reached by The Washington Post. Because of this drug-induced frenzy, Muthart is now blind. "Why me? Why do I have to do this?" she prayed, pounding the ground.
"So I pushed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each eye".
'I gripped each eyeball, twisted, and pulled until each eye popped out of the socket - it felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do'. Because I could no longer see, I dont know if there was blood. "I'm pretty sure I would have tried to claw right into my brain if a pastor hadn't heard me screaming, 'I want to see the light!' - which I don't recall saying - and restrained me".
'You still see, but you don't see with your eyes, it's hard to explain because I don't even understand it myself, ' she said. "I had squished them, although they were somehow still attached to my head".
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What happened next has left Muthart completely blind. She is expected to return to rehab for four weeks. A helicopter airlifted her to Greenville Memorial Hospital.
She felt she had to sacrifice herself so no-one else in the world would be hurt.
The drug caused her to stay awake for three days. She was recently released from a psychiatric facility and has vowed to stay clear of drugs.
She is also raising money for a service dog via GoFundMe, which has already raised $22,720 towards her goal of $50,000.
It has been a big adjustment to permanent blindness. She returned home on March 1. Just better, ' she said.
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